Here are some David Brent-style positions:
CVO – Chief Victim Officer – Your boss abuses you. IT hates you. Even the post room think you suck. They drive you round the bend. Yes, maybe, but you’re the one driving.
CBO – Chief Blame Officer – It’s never your fault when things go wrong, and you’re the one covering your butt and pointing the finger.
CSO – Chief Stress Officer – The stress is caused by your boss, their boss, your staff, your customers, your job. Could it be you who’s stressing yourself out?
CWO – Chief Whining Officer – Everyone else gets the breaks, not you. Everyone else has a better job than you. Everyone is better paid than you. Everyone snooze, snooze, snooze….
CDO – Chief Disruption Officer – The drama queen, meeting disrupter, attention-grabber. The world doesn’t always revolve around you.
CCO – Chief Clueless Officer – Busy, busy, busy. Headless chickens have nothing on you. Efficient? Maybe. Effective? Never.
CUO – Chief Unreliable Officer – Can’t be found when others are looking for you? Never hit deadlines and always have an excuse? Actually carry out a task and actually get it done correctly and up to standard? Nah!
CGO – Chief ‘Grass-is-Greener’ Officer – Everyone you know works for a better company than you. Everything about everywhere else is wonderful. Everything about this place just stinks (see CWO). Yes, and it would stink a lot less if you just changed your attitude or left!
Of course, I’m joking. These people don’t really exist. These jobs don’t really exist. It’s only a bit of fun. You can’t say you know anyone who fits these descriptions in today’s business world, can you? No, of course not.
Now, where’s that flying pig?
Head of Training
(Image by Pixomar)
Mark Williams is a learning and development professional, using business psychology and multiple intelligences to create fascinating and quickly-identifiable learning initiatives in the real-world business setting. Mark’s role at MTD is to ensure that our training is leading edge, and works closely with our trainers to develop the best learning experiences for all people on learning programmes. Mark designs and delivers training programmes for businesses both small and large and strives to ensure that MTD’s clients are receiving the very best training, support and services that will really make a difference to their business.