Just for fun, here are some new job titles that should be introduced into the workplace. They may make you smile, but they are closer to the truth than you think!
Here are some David Brent-style positions:
CVO – Chief Victim Officer – Your boss abuses you. IT hates you. Even the post room think you suck. They drive you round the bend. Yes, maybe, but you’re the one driving.
CBO – Chief Blame Officer – It’s never your fault when things go wrong, and you’re the one covering your butt and pointing the finger.
CSO – Chief Stress Officer – The stress is caused by your boss, their boss, your staff, your customers, your job. Could it be you who’s stressing yourself out?
CWO – Chief Whining Officer – Everyone else gets the breaks, not you. Everyone else has a better job than you. Everyone is better paid than you. Everyone snooze, snooze, snooze….
CDO – Chief Disruption Officer – The drama queen, meeting disrupter, attention-grabber. The world doesn’t always revolve around you.
CCO – Chief Clueless Officer – Busy, busy, busy. Headless chickens have nothing on you. Efficient? Maybe. Effective? Never.
CUO – Chief Unreliable Officer – Can’t be found when others are looking for you? Never hit deadlines and always have an excuse? Actually carry out a task and actually get it done correctly and up to standard? Nah!
CGO – Chief ‘Grass-is-Greener’ Officer – Everyone you know works for a better company than you. Everything about everywhere else is wonderful. Everything about this place just stinks (see CWO). Yes, and it would stink a lot less if you just changed your attitude or left!
Of course, I’m joking. These people don’t really exist. These jobs don’t really exist. It’s only a bit of fun. You can’t say you know anyone who fits these descriptions in today’s business world, can you? No, of course not.
Now, where’s that flying pig?
Head of Training
Originally published: 6 July, 2012
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